John Carter Review

Published on March 9th, 2012

Grade: C

John Carter of Mars, is the classic Edgar Rice Burroughs book brought to life on the big screen. Disney gave John Carter a shocking budget of 250 million dollars, with hopes that it would be the first big blockbuster of the year. Sad to say it pretty much lives up to the stereotype of a blockbuster bust.

The movie starts off at a nice pace and is pretty fun at that, but the fun quickly fades. Our main character John Carter gets transported to the Red Planet mysteriously out of nowhere thanks to the power of this “amulet” of sorts. He then is determined to get back home to a  cave of gold he has finally discovered.

Once on Mars, things become quite juvenile. The culture, the dialog, the terrible jokes. Then they go on a wild goose chase while each of the natives use John Carter as a pawn in their war. But he just wants to get home to his cave of gold. Then out of left field he somehow decides he’s in love with this princess he barely knows? No wonder the women of the world have unrealistic expectations and think men should just all fall at their feet and worship them.

There were just too many problems plaguing this film, and the poorly written script is at the core of it. It wasn’t the relatively unknown Kitsch at the wheel. This was truly a problem with the engine.  I’d say skip it, and rent it when it comes out. If you like Prince of Persia then you’ll love this, other wise don’t bother.


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